Thoughts...

Starbucks is my official second home. I managed to rack up over 13 hours this week, by far a record. I only allowed myself one post-work social activity. Not that the current state of my social life is anything to be proud of, but that's part of the reason why I'm working so hard to finish it. I want my life back!

I've been going through a lot of emotions lately, probably a product of my record-setting hours. But it's not like I'm crying one moment and laughing the next. Maybe the better word is doubts. Like what if after working so hard and for so long, it's still not good enough? This isn't school. You don't get extra points in the publishing industry for effort. It's quite possible that every agent and publisher will reject my little story. And if that happens, does that mean I'm the biggest fool, wasting so much of my time and energy over something that will never be? It's times like this I wish G-d could tap me on the shoulder and tell me to either stop now because it's never gonna happen, or keep going, it will all come together in the end. But I can't exactly count on divine intervention.

Yet as much as I feel this way, it doesn't stop me. I keep thinking of two quotes. The first is from Defying Gravity, my favorite song from Wicked (the awesome Broadway show - and the book by Gregory Maguire is also good):

"If I don't try I'll never know."

That's really the bottomline. And then there's this great quote from Cate Blanchett. She's one of my favorite actresses. I found this in the Australian edition of Vogue (random, right? Found it in Borders on my lunchbreak). This is from memory so it's more a paraphrase:

"If you fail, do it spectacularly, otherwise you haven't taken any real risk."

I've extended my deadline to March 19th. When I came up with March 15th I wasn't thinking it through. Monday to Tuesday night is Purim, and I'll be too busy doing things like partying. And I might also have to work late one night because of a big event coming up. This extension should give me just the right amount of time I need, and I'm absolutely sticking to it.

I promise you'll get some real writing next week. But I have to say, you all should get a blog. It's a great place to let your thoughts wander (as long as you don't mind sharing them with your friends and/or completely random people!).