I wasn't even going to post this originally, because it's almost too embarrassing. But if I can't share my most mortifying moments with my friends, (or at least that's who I hope is reading this) then who? And I guess, objectively speaking, it is pretty funny.
Let me preface this tale by telling you something you might not know about me. I'm sort of like a Jewish, American version of Bridget Jones. I have this strange vibe that attracts embarrassing moments to me like some kind of magnet. I think I could already fill up at least half a book with such moments. Give it a couple more years and I'll have a first draft.
But enough prefacing...let me set the scene. It was Saturday night of my best friend's (the same one as
this story) grand weekend birthday celebration. She is a really fun girl and loves to go all out for her birthday and do lots of different things, so among the festivities of the evening included going to the Village to see Blue Man Group.
It was very cool, they did all sorts of funky things with drums and neon colored liquids and food. But then they started going into the audience, which I thought was cute, until I realized one of the Blue Men was heading straight toward…guess who?
Yes, that's right. Out of all the girls the Blue Man could pick in a crowd of a few hundred people he chose yours truly. I wasn't sitting in an obvious place (halfway down the orchestra section, almost by the wall), or dressed in any kind of way that would make me stand out. And yet he came straight toward me, hand outstretched, whites of his eyes piercing brightly at me against the wet, blue makeup- which would happen many times over the minutes that followed. Honestly, that was the one thing that creeped me out…those eyes. There was no way I could shrug off that stare along with those of the whole audience. So up I went.
Basically, the bit was going on a “date” with these three Blue Men and being made to do all these silly things. If I was a comedian it would have been a great night. Anything I did drew the most hysterical laughs. I could've done nothing but twiddle my thumbs, or share my views with the Blue Men on world events, and these people would've kept cracking up like they have never seen something so funny in their lives. I played along, of course, but the whole time I felt like I was having one very weird dream.
And then there was the Incident of the Twinkie. I had to cut it up, and the Blue Man indicated that I should take a bite- but it's not kosher. I tried to fake eat it, but that was just met by more laughs and those creepy Blue Man stares. So here I am onstage in this off-Broadway theater, whispering to a Blue Man that I'm sorry I can't eat the Twinkie because I keep kosher. And as if this whole situation isn't ridiculous enough, the Blue Man, thinking quickly at this news like the pro he is, opened his mouth…indicating that I should feed him. So I ended up feeding the Blue Man my Twinkie, when I have never fed a male over the age of five in my life. Just imagine the way the crowd is roaring now.
At the end of the show, as the Blue Men were about to take their bow and I thought I was long off the hook, a big picture of me gets blasted onto the screen overhead, so everyone can applaud and chuckle one last time. There were no holes around so I settled for sinking into my friend's shoulder.
Seriously...why me? The only other person picked to go up was a guy later on. The odds were so incredibly small. In the words of the other girl with us, "They picked the shyest person in the whole damn audience!" Although according to my friend I was very endearing (ha!).
I only hope this doesn't somehow count as my fifteen minutes. I had envisioned something slightly more dignified.
